Trivial Pursuit

In digging through the Internets today, I found this little bit of.... well, trivia.

In medieval times, education was divided into 7 categories. Arithmetic, geometry, music, and astronomy (the sciences); logic, rhetoric, and grammer (liberal arts). The four sciences were known in Latin as the quadrivium, meaning the four ways. The group of 3 liberal arts studies were called the trivium. Anything learned on these subjects was trivial.

It's stuff like this that takes up the other 95% or my brain that I am not using.

Bermuda Rectangle

There is a new force in the universe, something that I mistook as the fault of man. I have found this to not be the case.

First, I must apologize to the Problem Passat Parker. Apparently, I took the easy way out and blamed what I thought was human error. There are much larger forces at work in the parking lot. Today, when I got to work, my mind was sent reeling. The spot that is usually taken by the VW, was occupied by a large SUV, but that SUV was NOT inside the parking space! It NEVER occurred to me, that the parking space itself could be at fault! It is truly a mystery of space. An unexplainable phenomenon, that is out of human hands.

I know in the future, I will not even be WALKING through this ripple in the "parking space/time continuum".

Funny Jokes

My daughter has found the perfect equation ( in her mind ) for the funniest knock-knock joke.

It goes as follows:

"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Chocolate (insert random thing 1 here)"
"Chocolate (random thing) who?"
(loudly)" FROM (insert random thing/place 2 here)!"
Laugh hysterically, then instruct others around you to laugh.

Some of her better combinations are:
Thing 1----------Thing/Place 2
Eyeball----------Texas
Blue (our dog)--Bananas
Underwear------TV

Try 'em yourself.
Every one of her Knock, knock jokes involve Chocolate something, from something/somewhere. It's very funny around the 5th or 6th one, when she is looking around the room trying to find what "Thing/Place 2" could be.

She will be here all week, be sure to tip your Waitress, and try the Chocolate Veal.

Odd Motto

While driving to Country Music Hell yesterday, I read one of the 1000 billboards on the way, and it struck me as strange. A show was advertising what they called "Show-stopping Entertainment." Hmmm... Is the show really so entertaining, that it stops itself?? Seems kind of counter productive.

"Hey BillyBobJimBo, You are best be backin' off yer fiddle playin' a bit. Yer gunna stop this here show!"

Or do they have an act that is literally a Show Stopper. I mean besides the "scheduled" last act. People come in expecting two hours of Hillbilly Funk, and only get one hour. Because half way through, BettyJo's Cloggin' number sends the crowd into such a Blue Haired Frenzy, that they are forced to stop the show???

Road Rage

I witnessed something the other day that kind of shocked me. I was driving home from work and came to a fairly major intersection of two highways. I noticed 2 cars parked just past the exit ramp on the other lane of traffic. Obviously, a minor accident had occurred. I couldn't see any damage to either car. While driving past this scene, I see both drivers get out of their cars, one is about mid-40's, the other, in his 20's, and walk toward each other. I watch as the 20 something appears to be apologizing, hand on his forehead, other hand out in front of him. The 40-year-old makes the international symbol for "Dude, WTF?". He then drops his arms and delivers a right hook to the younger guys face, dropping him to the ground, on his back. The kid is SHOCKED! And then tries to defend himself a bit. The best way you can when you are lying 5 feet from passing traffic, and 2 feet from a crazed man.

All of that happened in the span of 10 seconds I would guess. Traffic was trying to stop all around them, and I had no way to turn around for another mile. So, grab my phone and called 911. The operator picks up, and I describe what just happened, but for some reason I was connected with a different counties 911 dispatch, they connect me with the correct one. I relay my message, and am told that Police are on their way. Apparently, other people had called and reported in the time I took to transfer me. I asked if I should turn around, and give a statement to police, and dispatch said that they had my number and would pass it along to the authorities, and they would contact me if necessary.

No real point to this post, except that it's something I have never seen before. I have been in my fair share of fender benders, but NEVER once have I had the urge to fly out of my car and start wailing on the other driver. I mean, seriously?!? How wound up do you have to be to just snap like that. That's just crazy.

Let me go wild...

I was born in 1970. Using simple math, that means I went from being 10 years old to 20 years old during the 80's. Think about the differences in those 2 ages for a second. The difference between a 5th grader and a Junior in College. So, its no wonder that my DEEP love for Punk, Ska, and Alternative Music is part of who I am now... Ah... Dead Kennedys, Fishbone, They Might Be Giants, The Dead Milkmen, The Specials..... LOVE IT!

But last night, while watching TV, it hit me... I am a target now. An Advertising Target. While watching Jack Bauer, something horrible happend... my ears were treated with a wonderful snippet from Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes. But my eyes were seeing a Burger King commercial. What?! Had my brain finally snapped? Did some neurons get fired in the wrong direction? Confusion filled my skull. Happy wonderful music, bringing back memories of concerts in dive bars in St. Loius, mixed with the over whelming urge for a Whopper! and a silly (but fun) hat. Then, in a flash, it was over.

I had a wave of sorrow wash across my body, and then another. The first wave was the self-realization, that I am now a target demographic, 30-45 year old Adult. Somthing that all of the above bands made me rebel against. The second, more depressing wave, was that I now would have to call one of my all-time favorite bands a sell out. Puppets of the Corporate dollar. I hadn't fell this bad since I heard about Devo 2.0. (FYI, if you are a DEVO fan AT ALL, even just a little bit. Do not google Devo 2.0. You don't want to know... you really don't. Gerald Casale still owes me a written apology, for allowing that travesty to spawn.) My musical youth is being twisted into something horrible and is being used against me. Why, oh why???

Now if you will excuse me, I gotta go put on my checkered shirt, and my parachute pants now.

Bad Idea

If you run a company from your home, and advertise it on a personal vehicle that you drive around town- DON'T DRIVE LIKE A MORON! Don't drive 75 in a 60, and then cut across 2 lanes to make an exit ramp at the last second.

This post brought to you by the fine people at "Pure Water" (417) 581-8657.

Cereal Killa

"Fruity Cheerios are little rings in several different colors. They look suspiciously familiar. The front of the box makes this declarative statement: "25% less sugar than the leading fruity cereal." And I'm thinking: Oh, SNAP, Froot Loops! They totally just called you out! What a passive-aggressive slogan! It's like, "We're not naming any names here, but, um, we have 25 percent less sugar than a certain other fruity cereal we could mention. We're just sayin'." And the people at Kellogg's are like, "B****es did NOT just diss us!" And General Mills is all, "Don't be hatin', we just keepin' it real," and Kellogg's is like, "Whateva. Maybe if you put MORE sugar if yo nasty-a** fruity cereal, people might be BUYIN' it," and then Post is totally on the floor laughing, and General Mills is like, "Whatchoo laughin' at, Fruity Pebbles? Ain't you got some Flintstones to go be watchin'?," and then Quaker Oats pulls out a gun." -- EricDSnider

Candy Quirks

I have a few traditions when I eat certain candy. Various rituals, and methods have to be followed during consumption. Of course, this all depends on the candy I am eating. The people that witness these events usually stop and watch with some 'This guy is kinda weird' look on their faces.

I will share some of them with you now...

Runts - they are first sorted by color, and then consumed from least favorite flavor to favorite. ( Lime, Strawberry, Orange, Cherry, Banana. It used to end there but they added a Blue one, blue raspberry I guess, and it now holds the coveted 'last candy to be consumed' position).

Kit Kat - The bar is broken into the four strips, and then the chocolate is eaten from around the edges of the strip. Then, the strip is pulled apart into the 3 wafers that make up the remaining part of the strip. These wafers are eaten then in the following order: middle, bottom, top. Then on to the next strip. (this one freaks my beautiful bride out the most)

Snickers - I will eat the nougat part first, then the rest.

Whoppers/Malt Balls - This one is strange, and kinda hard to explain. Basically I bite through the chocolate, all the way around the Whopper. Imagine an equator around the candy all the way down to the malt. Then, one of the chocolate hemispheres is stripped away and eaten, leaving a full sphere of malt in a half sphere of chocolate. That is then sucked on, until the malt has dissolved, and then remaining chocolate shell is consumed.

Peanut M&M's - These are consumed kind of like the Whoppers. I break the candy apart in my mouth, separating the M&M part from the peanut. The M&M part is eaten while the peanut hides out in my cheek until I am done, then it gets what it deserves.

Regular M&M's - These have the most elaborate system of all... It is a site to behold, really. First, the entire bag is pour out. Then they are sorted by color. The colors are then arranged by number in the group, which ever color has more members, is positioned first. The color with the fewest is then lined up in a row. The next group is then lined up next to it in the gaps (reducing the space between the rows). But only enough to extend past the first row. Like, if the red row is first, and has 5, the next row will have 6. This process is then continued until all colors are lined up. This usually leaves some strays, and they are consumed at this time. The remaining are eaten one at a time, starting with one from the longest row. Then one from the next color up, and so on. Eventually, I am left with a triangle. 1 at the top, and 6 at the bottom. They then get eaten by taking the left most side off of the triangle(1 of each color) and eating those all at once.

I don't know why I do this, I am sure my college roommate with his Masters in Psychology would offer me some explanations. They are just things I have done since I was a kid, and being a 12-year-old at heart still, that how I still do it.

I remember reading a story about how someone else eats their M&M's, I thought it was very funny... So I found it, and will pass it along here.

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

Some one lend me 50 cents... I need a fix after writing all of this down.

Naming Conventions

On the south side of the town I live is a fairly new restaurant, called "Tasia". They get the name from their tag line - Taste of Asia. It's got some very good food. I just hope they don't branch out to new restaurants with other types of cuisine, because I don't care how good their food is... I am not eating at "Texico".