Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
The little things
I can't believe it has been a week and a half since Mom died. It was very surreal to watch the rest of the world go about their business, while my world had been full of sadness. I find myself doing OK, but every so often something just hits and I break down again.
Sunday Night my oldest brother headed back to KC, and stopped by the house to drop off some food and stuff. Food people had brought that there was no way Dad could eat all of it, and it would have started to spoil, and a couple of Wal-mart bags. I open up the bags, and inside are a couple of outfits Mom had bought for my girls. I pull them out to show my wife, and we both start to cry. I remember her mentioning that she had bought them something. That kind of thing. I am sure setting up the bench this weekend will be tough, as well as planting the trees Big Dave got for us to remember Mom by.
Dad seems to be doing as well as can be expected. He has had friends make him dinner, or invite him out all this week. Wednesday, he called while we were waiting in the drop off line for Tiny's pre-school. Apparently he has lost his cell phone, as he called me on Mom's. Her picture popped up, and that made me a little sad. We talked for a bit, and then he asked if he could talk to Tiny. Mom and Dad call all time, just wanting to talk to the grandkids... I am used to being second fiddle. I hand the phone to her, and she says "Hi Grandpa!", I can hear him crying through their conversation. She hands the phone back to me, and he is trying his best not to cry while talking to me. It really hurts me to think how sad he must be. I tell him I love him very much, and that we will see him this weekend.
I know going down there this weekend is going to very hard. Tiny will surely ask a few questions that will be pretty tough to handle. Going to try to get some stuff cleaned up, and see what we can do for him. We still have a long way to go.
Sunday Night my oldest brother headed back to KC, and stopped by the house to drop off some food and stuff. Food people had brought that there was no way Dad could eat all of it, and it would have started to spoil, and a couple of Wal-mart bags. I open up the bags, and inside are a couple of outfits Mom had bought for my girls. I pull them out to show my wife, and we both start to cry. I remember her mentioning that she had bought them something. That kind of thing. I am sure setting up the bench this weekend will be tough, as well as planting the trees Big Dave got for us to remember Mom by.
Dad seems to be doing as well as can be expected. He has had friends make him dinner, or invite him out all this week. Wednesday, he called while we were waiting in the drop off line for Tiny's pre-school. Apparently he has lost his cell phone, as he called me on Mom's. Her picture popped up, and that made me a little sad. We talked for a bit, and then he asked if he could talk to Tiny. Mom and Dad call all time, just wanting to talk to the grandkids... I am used to being second fiddle. I hand the phone to her, and she says "Hi Grandpa!", I can hear him crying through their conversation. She hands the phone back to me, and he is trying his best not to cry while talking to me. It really hurts me to think how sad he must be. I tell him I love him very much, and that we will see him this weekend.
I know going down there this weekend is going to very hard. Tiny will surely ask a few questions that will be pretty tough to handle. Going to try to get some stuff cleaned up, and see what we can do for him. We still have a long way to go.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Saturday
The hardest part was behind me, but today was still going to be very difficult. We got the girls up and dressed, and my Mother-in-law came over about 10am to pick them up for the day. I was very grateful to have this option available to us. Part of me was sad, that the girls weren't there for me to hug, and have around for more support. But the other part of me didn't want to have to try to wrestle a 4 year old, carry a 7 month old, keep track of a diaper bag and everything else involved with them during a very tough time. All in all I think it was best they weren't there. I had a couple of pictures of them with me though, in case I got the opportunity to show them off a bit.
I put on my suit, and my new purple tie, my beautiful bride had a purple top on that matched perfectly, and we headed to the church. Arriving a bit behind schedule, we walk in the back, and are directed to where the rest of my family is waiting. And by family, I mean my brothers, and their family, Patsy and her daughters, and their families, and finally my Aunt Ann. I was thrown for a loop. Ann is my Mom's only sibling. They haven't spoken since their Mom died, 15 years ago. Some long story that I cant even remember. She and her husband, just happened to be in Missouri this weekend for something completely unrelated. They live in Nevada. God surely does work in mysterious ways. My cousin Chris was there as well. I haven't seen him in at least 8 years. We chat for a bit, before Ben tells us that they are ready for the family to be seated.
We walk from our room in the back to the sanctuary, to the first couple of rows of seats. The church is full of people. I look at Mom's closed casket, and it is surrounded with even more flowers and plants than Friday Night. Pastor Todd reads a few verses for us from Psalms, and then they play a nice song that I don't even really hear from my own crying, and focusing on my family around me. The next song is "Somewhere over the rainbow", performed by my oldest niece. I know how hard that had to be for her. I went to a funeral earlier this year where the granddaughters all wrote something about their grandpa, and wanted to read them out loud. Only one out of the 5 made it through it. She did a fantastic job, breaking down near the end. That was Mom's favorite song. The next few songs were performed by a good friend of Mom and Dad, Steve, who played "You are my sunshine." Which was pretty tough for me. The words of that song have a whole different feeling now. After the music was finished, my oldest brother read Mom's obituary, and added a wonderful speech to the end about Mom. Pastor Todd finished the service, and everyone that attended was invited to proceed past the casket one more time.
Once everyone was done, it was just the family left. They opened Mom's casket one last time for us to say good bye. My brother put Mom's Russel-Stovers candy in her pocket. I put some pictures of my girls in there with her so she could have some pictures of her grand kids. She ALWAYS had pictures of her grand kids, and she always will. We said good-bye again.
The church was kind enough to make lunch for us. The service was at Noon, and the graveside wasn't until 4, but it was a 90 minute drive away. I got to visit with my cousin for a bit, and cracked a couple of jokes with people, about getting them more chips and salsa. My folks owned a Mexican restaurant for 13 years, where I waited tables almost every summer. So it was almost a habit for me to ask people if they wanted more chips and salsa ( don't ya hate inside jokes)
My beautiful bride and I headed for the Cemetery, we talked about all the people that were at the funeral, and how great it was to see them. We get to MG about 5 minutes before the rest of the family, and I show Mom's friend, Jackie, where Mom's mom is buried. I see so many people that I know it is over-whelming. Old high school friends, teachers, cousins, and close family friends. I am again reminded of how many people Mom knew and made an impact on. The rest of my family arrives and we follow the casket to the tent. We sit and listen to Pastor Todd talk about the circle of life, and the changing of the seasons.
Then we did some very "Un-funeral" like things... my mom had this tradition of bringing balloons to a funeral. She would pass them out, and then everyone would let them go. Then we watch them go up to heaven. Very moving, and very symbolic. So we passed around about 4 dozen balloons, and Dad let the first one go, followed by the rest of us. We watched them until we couldn't see them any more. About half way through their ascent, a very close friend from KC, Susie started ringing a cowbell, loudly! This is a tradition that stemmed back to my oldest brother playing football, Susie's husband was the coach. The team was the Cowboys, and any time the boys did something good, all the mom's would ring cowbells, ALL the moms... easily 10-15 of them. That cowbell was a tribute from Susie, and it made alot of sense to us, but everyone else looked a bit confused. Lastly, was an idea my oldest brother got from a funeral he attended a few months ago. We passed out sharpie markers, all different colors... and signed Mom's casket with notes and messages and pictures. All of the grand kids swarmed the casket, covering it with messages of love and tears. People wrote poems, and their favorite memories of Mom... it was something I had reservations about before it happened, but was completely behind once I saw what it did. Mom's entire casket was covered with messages from friends and family. Like I said, MG probably hasn't seen a graveside service like that. I had to explain the cowbell about 5 different times afterwards...but I didn't mind.
All of my Uncle Dwight's kids were there, it was really great to see them. I haven't seem them in many many years. Lots of old friends were there: My Boy Scout leader, my math teacher, my Spanish teacher, my High school counselor(a classmate of Mom's), lots of high school friends, not just mine, but Mom and Dad's. (My parents and I, all went to MG high school. Small town story, remember? Odd, but cool). Lots of hugs and talking afterwards. I got to show off my pictures of my girls. Just like Mom would do.
It was done. We all headed back to my parent's house, for dinner. The house was full of people sharing stories about Mom, and laughing with Dad. It was truly a party worthy of Linda Tate.
Goodbye Mom. I love you, I will miss you very much.
I put on my suit, and my new purple tie, my beautiful bride had a purple top on that matched perfectly, and we headed to the church. Arriving a bit behind schedule, we walk in the back, and are directed to where the rest of my family is waiting. And by family, I mean my brothers, and their family, Patsy and her daughters, and their families, and finally my Aunt Ann. I was thrown for a loop. Ann is my Mom's only sibling. They haven't spoken since their Mom died, 15 years ago. Some long story that I cant even remember. She and her husband, just happened to be in Missouri this weekend for something completely unrelated. They live in Nevada. God surely does work in mysterious ways. My cousin Chris was there as well. I haven't seen him in at least 8 years. We chat for a bit, before Ben tells us that they are ready for the family to be seated.
We walk from our room in the back to the sanctuary, to the first couple of rows of seats. The church is full of people. I look at Mom's closed casket, and it is surrounded with even more flowers and plants than Friday Night. Pastor Todd reads a few verses for us from Psalms, and then they play a nice song that I don't even really hear from my own crying, and focusing on my family around me. The next song is "Somewhere over the rainbow", performed by my oldest niece. I know how hard that had to be for her. I went to a funeral earlier this year where the granddaughters all wrote something about their grandpa, and wanted to read them out loud. Only one out of the 5 made it through it. She did a fantastic job, breaking down near the end. That was Mom's favorite song. The next few songs were performed by a good friend of Mom and Dad, Steve, who played "You are my sunshine." Which was pretty tough for me. The words of that song have a whole different feeling now. After the music was finished, my oldest brother read Mom's obituary, and added a wonderful speech to the end about Mom. Pastor Todd finished the service, and everyone that attended was invited to proceed past the casket one more time.
Once everyone was done, it was just the family left. They opened Mom's casket one last time for us to say good bye. My brother put Mom's Russel-Stovers candy in her pocket. I put some pictures of my girls in there with her so she could have some pictures of her grand kids. She ALWAYS had pictures of her grand kids, and she always will. We said good-bye again.
The church was kind enough to make lunch for us. The service was at Noon, and the graveside wasn't until 4, but it was a 90 minute drive away. I got to visit with my cousin for a bit, and cracked a couple of jokes with people, about getting them more chips and salsa. My folks owned a Mexican restaurant for 13 years, where I waited tables almost every summer. So it was almost a habit for me to ask people if they wanted more chips and salsa ( don't ya hate inside jokes)
My beautiful bride and I headed for the Cemetery, we talked about all the people that were at the funeral, and how great it was to see them. We get to MG about 5 minutes before the rest of the family, and I show Mom's friend, Jackie, where Mom's mom is buried. I see so many people that I know it is over-whelming. Old high school friends, teachers, cousins, and close family friends. I am again reminded of how many people Mom knew and made an impact on. The rest of my family arrives and we follow the casket to the tent. We sit and listen to Pastor Todd talk about the circle of life, and the changing of the seasons.
Then we did some very "Un-funeral" like things... my mom had this tradition of bringing balloons to a funeral. She would pass them out, and then everyone would let them go. Then we watch them go up to heaven. Very moving, and very symbolic. So we passed around about 4 dozen balloons, and Dad let the first one go, followed by the rest of us. We watched them until we couldn't see them any more. About half way through their ascent, a very close friend from KC, Susie started ringing a cowbell, loudly! This is a tradition that stemmed back to my oldest brother playing football, Susie's husband was the coach. The team was the Cowboys, and any time the boys did something good, all the mom's would ring cowbells, ALL the moms... easily 10-15 of them. That cowbell was a tribute from Susie, and it made alot of sense to us, but everyone else looked a bit confused. Lastly, was an idea my oldest brother got from a funeral he attended a few months ago. We passed out sharpie markers, all different colors... and signed Mom's casket with notes and messages and pictures. All of the grand kids swarmed the casket, covering it with messages of love and tears. People wrote poems, and their favorite memories of Mom... it was something I had reservations about before it happened, but was completely behind once I saw what it did. Mom's entire casket was covered with messages from friends and family. Like I said, MG probably hasn't seen a graveside service like that. I had to explain the cowbell about 5 different times afterwards...but I didn't mind.
All of my Uncle Dwight's kids were there, it was really great to see them. I haven't seem them in many many years. Lots of old friends were there: My Boy Scout leader, my math teacher, my Spanish teacher, my High school counselor(a classmate of Mom's), lots of high school friends, not just mine, but Mom and Dad's. (My parents and I, all went to MG high school. Small town story, remember? Odd, but cool). Lots of hugs and talking afterwards. I got to show off my pictures of my girls. Just like Mom would do.
It was done. We all headed back to my parent's house, for dinner. The house was full of people sharing stories about Mom, and laughing with Dad. It was truly a party worthy of Linda Tate.
Goodbye Mom. I love you, I will miss you very much.
Friday
This was the day I was dreading the most. Actually getting to see Mom, was something that kept me from getting much sleep Thursday night. Visitation was at 6pm, and the family viewing was set at 5pm. My Mother-in-law volunteered to watch the girls and bring them down later, so we dropped them off at around 4, and headed down to the church.
The church was nice, and had a message on their marquee about Mom and the service times. There was a HUGE arrangement of HUGE long stemmed roses on the greeting table. They were from her girlfriends from high school. Rhonda, the funeral directors wife/assistant, had put together a wonderful display of the pictures of Mom we had collected. Everything looked great.
It was time for the moment that I had been dreading for days. I walked into the sanctuary and prepared myself to see Mom. I turned the corner and stepped into the room. I was stopped in my tracks by the number of flower arrangements and plants that had been sent and on display (48 all together). Completely spanning the front of a very good sized church. An unbelievable variety of colors and types of flowers... exactly what Mom would have wanted.
I followed Dad up the aisle and choked back the tears the best I could as we got closer to Mom. She looked like she was sleeping. Rhonda had done a great job with her hair and make up. She had a slight pout to her face, as if she was about to cry herself. "Wake up, Mom." Dad said through his tears, and thats all it took to send me into all out crying. I stepped away from the casket, and read some of the tags on the flowers to calm myself down. Old friends from KC, family from MG, high school friends, and business contacts... I was, and still am, amazed at the number of people that Mom made an impact on. I settled down, and was able to stand next to Mom, and say good bye face to face. I adjusted her jewelery a bit, and stepped away to read the other half of the cards.
Just before 6pm, people started coming in to pay their respects to Mom. Neighbors from where Mom and Dad live, salesmen that do buisness with the restaurant, the Mayor (the freakin MAYOR!), past employees... friends, family, and many many others. I was especially touched by the people that came down from O'Reilly, literally for 10 minutes, and then headed back home. There was the Millers from KC, old family friends, who drove down just for the service, and were heading back afterwards. I know I have said it many times, but this kind of thing was just amazing to me. The family lined up next to the casket and greeted and met everyone that came to visit Mom. Some of my co-workers made their way through the line, and I was introducing them to my Dad. Larry Wiles walked up, and I said "Dad, this is my boss, Larry." With out missing a beat, Larry says " I am not his boss, I am his friend." The man truly has a heart of gold. That really meant a lot to me. And I will never call him "My Boss" again. After the line of people finished, Larry pulled me aside and apologized that the department didn't send any flowers, instead they all pitched in and bought me a bench, and a memorial stone for my backyard. I again was dumbfounded. Larry and Charlie, his boss and the Department head, unloaded a decorative concrete bench and memory stone, with a lovely saying engraved in it, into my backyard. " You and the girls can put flowers around it, and just have a place to sit and remember your Mom." AMAZING! I was very deeply moved by this gift.
Big Mike and his wife where there from KC. Mike is the oldest son of Mom and Dad's Best friends from KC, Bill and Heidi (both of whom have passed). The last time I saw Mike was his Dad's funeral. " We gotta stop meeting like this." he says, with a comforting smile.
At about 9pm everyone had come and gone, some came just to say how sorry they were for our loss, and others literally cried at the foot of the casket like it was their own mother. We said our good-byes to the family and my beautiful wife and I made our way home. One very hard part down.
The church was nice, and had a message on their marquee about Mom and the service times. There was a HUGE arrangement of HUGE long stemmed roses on the greeting table. They were from her girlfriends from high school. Rhonda, the funeral directors wife/assistant, had put together a wonderful display of the pictures of Mom we had collected. Everything looked great.
It was time for the moment that I had been dreading for days. I walked into the sanctuary and prepared myself to see Mom. I turned the corner and stepped into the room. I was stopped in my tracks by the number of flower arrangements and plants that had been sent and on display (48 all together). Completely spanning the front of a very good sized church. An unbelievable variety of colors and types of flowers... exactly what Mom would have wanted.
I followed Dad up the aisle and choked back the tears the best I could as we got closer to Mom. She looked like she was sleeping. Rhonda had done a great job with her hair and make up. She had a slight pout to her face, as if she was about to cry herself. "Wake up, Mom." Dad said through his tears, and thats all it took to send me into all out crying. I stepped away from the casket, and read some of the tags on the flowers to calm myself down. Old friends from KC, family from MG, high school friends, and business contacts... I was, and still am, amazed at the number of people that Mom made an impact on. I settled down, and was able to stand next to Mom, and say good bye face to face. I adjusted her jewelery a bit, and stepped away to read the other half of the cards.
Just before 6pm, people started coming in to pay their respects to Mom. Neighbors from where Mom and Dad live, salesmen that do buisness with the restaurant, the Mayor (the freakin MAYOR!), past employees... friends, family, and many many others. I was especially touched by the people that came down from O'Reilly, literally for 10 minutes, and then headed back home. There was the Millers from KC, old family friends, who drove down just for the service, and were heading back afterwards. I know I have said it many times, but this kind of thing was just amazing to me. The family lined up next to the casket and greeted and met everyone that came to visit Mom. Some of my co-workers made their way through the line, and I was introducing them to my Dad. Larry Wiles walked up, and I said "Dad, this is my boss, Larry." With out missing a beat, Larry says " I am not his boss, I am his friend." The man truly has a heart of gold. That really meant a lot to me. And I will never call him "My Boss" again. After the line of people finished, Larry pulled me aside and apologized that the department didn't send any flowers, instead they all pitched in and bought me a bench, and a memorial stone for my backyard. I again was dumbfounded. Larry and Charlie, his boss and the Department head, unloaded a decorative concrete bench and memory stone, with a lovely saying engraved in it, into my backyard. " You and the girls can put flowers around it, and just have a place to sit and remember your Mom." AMAZING! I was very deeply moved by this gift.
Big Mike and his wife where there from KC. Mike is the oldest son of Mom and Dad's Best friends from KC, Bill and Heidi (both of whom have passed). The last time I saw Mike was his Dad's funeral. " We gotta stop meeting like this." he says, with a comforting smile.
At about 9pm everyone had come and gone, some came just to say how sorry they were for our loss, and others literally cried at the foot of the casket like it was their own mother. We said our good-byes to the family and my beautiful wife and I made our way home. One very hard part down.
Thursday
Thursday was a very nice day. Friends came in from out of town, and there was an eerie feeling of calm through out the day. Obviously the calm before the storm, as Friday was the visitation, and Saturday was the funeral. I spent all day at my house. Took the munchkin to school, went shopping for a new tie. I wanted to find a purple one, because Mom would have like that. My beautiful wife went through all of our pictures and found some really good ones of Mom, with me or the girls, or just by herself that we could display at the services.
I felt guilty for not going down to be with Dad. But after talking to my brother, it sounded like the house was very full of friends and family. Dad seemed to be doing better, and the house didn't seem to bother him as much. Everyone seemed to be coping with Mom's sudden departure very well.
My 4 year old knew what happened but didn't quite understand what it meant. In the middle of the afternoon, I was reading some e-mails from friends and family offering their condolences, when she comes up, hugs me real big, and says "I'm sorry your Mom is dead." I pick her up, and hug her as tight as I could, and cry "Thanks, Tiny." This is going to be harder than I expected.
I felt guilty for not going down to be with Dad. But after talking to my brother, it sounded like the house was very full of friends and family. Dad seemed to be doing better, and the house didn't seem to bother him as much. Everyone seemed to be coping with Mom's sudden departure very well.
My 4 year old knew what happened but didn't quite understand what it meant. In the middle of the afternoon, I was reading some e-mails from friends and family offering their condolences, when she comes up, hugs me real big, and says "I'm sorry your Mom is dead." I pick her up, and hug her as tight as I could, and cry "Thanks, Tiny." This is going to be harder than I expected.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Wednesday
I slept like a rock Tuesday night. Woke up at 7:30, and got the munchkin ready, and drove her to preschool at 9. My Dad, brothers, and the rest of the group had a meeting at 9am at the church. They met with Pastor Cecil Todd, who came in the restaurant all the time, and knew Mom pretty well. That made me feel good that some one that knew her was going to be doing the services. I was unable to attend the church meeting, but heard it went really well. The sanctuary holds 400, and we felt that would be plenty.
At noon, I pick up my daughter and take both girls over to my mother-in-laws. My beautiful bride and I head to MG, where Mom and Dad grew up, for a 2pm meeting with the Funeral home. Ben, the funeral director, walks us through everything. My oldest brother has his laptop out with a list of questions that he had been thinking about. There were 8 of us all together, quite an intimidating group, I don't think Ben was ready for that. We answered some questions about Mom for the Obituary. Pat and Jeannie told us (on the side) some things that we would and wouldn't need, and that was greatly appreciated. Dad was having a hard time with all of this, but especially when we had to choose a casket. He had to step outside. I went with him, and we stood out behind the funeral home. Next to us was the church that I used to go to Boy Scouts. Across the street was the little building I had my first job. Dad started talking about he and Mom walking home for lunch everyday, and he even went so far as to describe what Mom was wearing on a typical day. It's kind of strange growing up in the same small town my parents did.
Dad had settled down a bit, and we headed back inside. The group had narrowed it down to 3 choices, and just showed them to Dad. He pointed to one immediately, and that was done. We handed over the clothes we wanted Mom to wear, her make-up, and her jewelery. Mom and Dad had gone shopping the week earlier for something nice for her to wear to Richard's funeral, and that is the outfit Dad thought would be best for her. We picked out a nice guest book, and the design for the memorial program, and that very hard part was done.
Next, we met with the caretaker of the cemetery to pick out a plot for Mom. This was a very hard step for me. Something about Dad standing on the spot where he too would be buried someday, was just really difficult for me to handle. There was a couple of plots very close to my Mom's parents, but that section only allowed for "flat" head stones. Stones that are flush with the ground. Mom really hated that. So we found a couple in the next section over, and one row down. My brother made the deal with the caretaker, as my Dad walked down to visit his parents, a brother, and his step-sisters graves.
Once everything was settled, we went to see my Aunt and Uncle (Dad's Brother) that he hasn't spoken to in over 10 years. Dad knocked on the door, and his brother opened the door. In that moment, everything was forgiven. Ten years of silence over something that ultimately doesn't matter. Both, I think, realized this and they were talking again like nothing ever happened. Telling stories of when they were kids, and young men, until about 7pm.
We had a nice dinner, and drove home. The end of a very tough day.
At noon, I pick up my daughter and take both girls over to my mother-in-laws. My beautiful bride and I head to MG, where Mom and Dad grew up, for a 2pm meeting with the Funeral home. Ben, the funeral director, walks us through everything. My oldest brother has his laptop out with a list of questions that he had been thinking about. There were 8 of us all together, quite an intimidating group, I don't think Ben was ready for that. We answered some questions about Mom for the Obituary. Pat and Jeannie told us (on the side) some things that we would and wouldn't need, and that was greatly appreciated. Dad was having a hard time with all of this, but especially when we had to choose a casket. He had to step outside. I went with him, and we stood out behind the funeral home. Next to us was the church that I used to go to Boy Scouts. Across the street was the little building I had my first job. Dad started talking about he and Mom walking home for lunch everyday, and he even went so far as to describe what Mom was wearing on a typical day. It's kind of strange growing up in the same small town my parents did.
Dad had settled down a bit, and we headed back inside. The group had narrowed it down to 3 choices, and just showed them to Dad. He pointed to one immediately, and that was done. We handed over the clothes we wanted Mom to wear, her make-up, and her jewelery. Mom and Dad had gone shopping the week earlier for something nice for her to wear to Richard's funeral, and that is the outfit Dad thought would be best for her. We picked out a nice guest book, and the design for the memorial program, and that very hard part was done.
Next, we met with the caretaker of the cemetery to pick out a plot for Mom. This was a very hard step for me. Something about Dad standing on the spot where he too would be buried someday, was just really difficult for me to handle. There was a couple of plots very close to my Mom's parents, but that section only allowed for "flat" head stones. Stones that are flush with the ground. Mom really hated that. So we found a couple in the next section over, and one row down. My brother made the deal with the caretaker, as my Dad walked down to visit his parents, a brother, and his step-sisters graves.
Once everything was settled, we went to see my Aunt and Uncle (Dad's Brother) that he hasn't spoken to in over 10 years. Dad knocked on the door, and his brother opened the door. In that moment, everything was forgiven. Ten years of silence over something that ultimately doesn't matter. Both, I think, realized this and they were talking again like nothing ever happened. Telling stories of when they were kids, and young men, until about 7pm.
We had a nice dinner, and drove home. The end of a very tough day.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Tuesday
I was elbowed awake by my beautiful bride, telling me that there is someone ringing our doorbell. I look at the clock, 4:57am. I then hear the doorbell, and my phone ring at the same time... "something is wrong" I think to myself. My wife and I get up and she opens the front door, and there stands my oldest brother from KC. It is a dream like moment, a bizarre juxtaposition of memories. Then I realize, that something BAD has happened. I ask "what's wrong?", and he tells us to sit down. My thoughts go immediately to my father, who has been under alot of stress and pressure lately, and just lost his best friend Monday night. He tells the story of my Mom passing, and both my wife and I are in shock. This turns out to be a running theme for the week.
I get dressed, and hop in my car at 5:15am and follow my brother to my parents house 30 miles away. Every 5 miles I break down crying, and follow that with 3 miles of yelling and punching my steering wheel. It gets worse as we turn onto Dad's street and pull in the driveway. I am met with the image of my Dad standing in his doorway, barely able to stand from crying so much. I give him a huge hug, and cry along with him. My oldest brother joins us. I pull it together long enough to thank Doug, the neighbor, for staying with Dad until we could get there. The man is a saint.
My brother and I start to process what needs to be done, and begin making lists. People to call, things to do, balls that need to get rolling. Mom is everywhere we look... she was a wonderful decorator, and the house is wall to wall reminders of her. I start on the kitchen and the dishes, and getting a load of laundry going. We get Dad settled into a comfortable chair, and encourage him to try and sleep, but to no avail. I start going through Mom's cell phone for numbers of friends to call later, by the time we are done the "Must call" list is 50 people long.
The first one is to a very close family friend, Patsy. Patsy has lost her husband, sister, and mother... and would be able to guide us through this dark forest. Unfortunately my brother cannot bring himself to call her. We call Jeannie, her oldest daughter, and let her pass the news.
Patsy calls us 10 minutes later saying they (her and Jeannie) are on their way down. My brother made almost all of the calls, I made a few, and am glad he was there. I would get the first few words out, and then break down. Something about saying it out loud just made it harder. So I would find names and numbers for him, and answer the house phone when it would ring, and awkwardly answer Mom's Cell phone when it would ring. Some woman from Wal-Mart Pharmacy called looking for Mom, and that had to be the most surreal conversation I have ever had.
We make it through the list, and everyones reaction is the same... they can't believe it. Dad and my oldest brother start to talk about finances, and business stuff. My other brother and I field phone calls, and get Dad's medications lined out. It is about 11am, and I look out the window, and here come Doug the Neighbor, carrying 4 bags of KFC and groceries. The man is just wonderful. Throughout the afternoon more friends show up, and more food is brought. I am awestruck at the outpouring of generosity, and friends. My oldest brother and I go downstairs to get a bigger table for everything, and he is met by Mom's HUGE scrap booking project. There are family pictures everywhere. It is the first time I saw him really crack. I had been down there earlier, so I knew it was coming, and had a hard time with it the first time I went down there.
The day goes on, and we finish calling everyone. Some people hadn't heard about Richard, so it was twice a difficult sometimes. Patsy and Jeannie show up, as well as my brothers' families. My beautiful bride comes down, and brings the girls. The house is chaotic, but full of love.
My wife had taken on the task of telling our 4 year old. Something I don't think I could have done... how do you explain that to someone that young? My daughter had a pretty good grip on it though, "Grandma is in heaven with Jesus? That's good." She didn't really understand the emotional side of it all, but that is probably best.
Dad does pretty good through the day...but little things would cause him to break down. Seeing all of Mom's make-up still out on her side of the vanity. My middle brother had bought some Russell-Stovers chocolates, Mom's favorite, for everyone to share, and a little box to send with Mom, when Dad saw that he lost it.
At about 9pm, my family and I head home to get some rest for Wednesday, and the trip to the funeral home, and church.
I get dressed, and hop in my car at 5:15am and follow my brother to my parents house 30 miles away. Every 5 miles I break down crying, and follow that with 3 miles of yelling and punching my steering wheel. It gets worse as we turn onto Dad's street and pull in the driveway. I am met with the image of my Dad standing in his doorway, barely able to stand from crying so much. I give him a huge hug, and cry along with him. My oldest brother joins us. I pull it together long enough to thank Doug, the neighbor, for staying with Dad until we could get there. The man is a saint.
My brother and I start to process what needs to be done, and begin making lists. People to call, things to do, balls that need to get rolling. Mom is everywhere we look... she was a wonderful decorator, and the house is wall to wall reminders of her. I start on the kitchen and the dishes, and getting a load of laundry going. We get Dad settled into a comfortable chair, and encourage him to try and sleep, but to no avail. I start going through Mom's cell phone for numbers of friends to call later, by the time we are done the "Must call" list is 50 people long.
The first one is to a very close family friend, Patsy. Patsy has lost her husband, sister, and mother... and would be able to guide us through this dark forest. Unfortunately my brother cannot bring himself to call her. We call Jeannie, her oldest daughter, and let her pass the news.
Patsy calls us 10 minutes later saying they (her and Jeannie) are on their way down. My brother made almost all of the calls, I made a few, and am glad he was there. I would get the first few words out, and then break down. Something about saying it out loud just made it harder. So I would find names and numbers for him, and answer the house phone when it would ring, and awkwardly answer Mom's Cell phone when it would ring. Some woman from Wal-Mart Pharmacy called looking for Mom, and that had to be the most surreal conversation I have ever had.
We make it through the list, and everyones reaction is the same... they can't believe it. Dad and my oldest brother start to talk about finances, and business stuff. My other brother and I field phone calls, and get Dad's medications lined out. It is about 11am, and I look out the window, and here come Doug the Neighbor, carrying 4 bags of KFC and groceries. The man is just wonderful. Throughout the afternoon more friends show up, and more food is brought. I am awestruck at the outpouring of generosity, and friends. My oldest brother and I go downstairs to get a bigger table for everything, and he is met by Mom's HUGE scrap booking project. There are family pictures everywhere. It is the first time I saw him really crack. I had been down there earlier, so I knew it was coming, and had a hard time with it the first time I went down there.
The day goes on, and we finish calling everyone. Some people hadn't heard about Richard, so it was twice a difficult sometimes. Patsy and Jeannie show up, as well as my brothers' families. My beautiful bride comes down, and brings the girls. The house is chaotic, but full of love.
My wife had taken on the task of telling our 4 year old. Something I don't think I could have done... how do you explain that to someone that young? My daughter had a pretty good grip on it though, "Grandma is in heaven with Jesus? That's good." She didn't really understand the emotional side of it all, but that is probably best.
Dad does pretty good through the day...but little things would cause him to break down. Seeing all of Mom's make-up still out on her side of the vanity. My middle brother had bought some Russell-Stovers chocolates, Mom's favorite, for everyone to share, and a little box to send with Mom, when Dad saw that he lost it.
At about 9pm, my family and I head home to get some rest for Wednesday, and the trip to the funeral home, and church.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
A very bad week...
My parents went to visit a very close friend of the family in New Orelans. On the news that he was not doing very good at all. Mom and Dad went down as they did not live him very long to live. The hospital released him to be at home, giving him less than a week. My parents said their good-byes,and came back home Sunday night. Monday evening I got a call from my Mom telling me that our friend had died at about 6pm Monday night.
All day Monday, my Mom had been complaining of a tightness in her chest, and after watching the football game that night, she was feeling worse. Dad suggested taking a bath, as that usually relaxed her. She finished her bath, and was getting ready for bed when she stumbled trying to sit on the bed. Dad came over to help her get her balance. She stood up with his help, and then collapsed on the floor.She had stopped breathing, and her heart also stopped. Dad called 911, and a their neighbor. Doug came over and Dad relayed instructions to Doug until the paramedics arrived. They did all they could, bringing her back once, only to lose her again. 20 minutes later, they stopped. She was gone.
We believe the stress from the restaurant, and the pain of Richard's passing was just too much for her, and literally broke her heart.
Please keep us in your prayers, and especially my Dad. He lost his two best friends in less than 6 hours.
Thanks to everyone for the kind words and support we have received.
And please, Please call your Mom, Dad, brothers and sisters, and let them know how much you love them...
All day Monday, my Mom had been complaining of a tightness in her chest, and after watching the football game that night, she was feeling worse. Dad suggested taking a bath, as that usually relaxed her. She finished her bath, and was getting ready for bed when she stumbled trying to sit on the bed. Dad came over to help her get her balance. She stood up with his help, and then collapsed on the floor.She had stopped breathing, and her heart also stopped. Dad called 911, and a their neighbor. Doug came over and Dad relayed instructions to Doug until the paramedics arrived. They did all they could, bringing her back once, only to lose her again. 20 minutes later, they stopped. She was gone.
We believe the stress from the restaurant, and the pain of Richard's passing was just too much for her, and literally broke her heart.
Please keep us in your prayers, and especially my Dad. He lost his two best friends in less than 6 hours.
Thanks to everyone for the kind words and support we have received.
And please, Please call your Mom, Dad, brothers and sisters, and let them know how much you love them...
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
A very unexpected gift
I enjoy playing computer games. But lately, I have been VERY frustrated with my gaming experience. Playing World of Warcraft, my guild and I are doing some new adventures, and going after some of the bigger bad guys in the game. And my poor, 4 year old machine just can't quite keep up with the demands of 25 people on the screen casting spells, swinging swords, and all the special effects. I was getting MAYBE 5 frames per second during fights. Even with all the Video options set to "LOW". That's BAD! Television is 30 (29.97) frames per second, film is 24 frames per second. It was affecting my reaction times, and my overall usefulness in the game.
I got an message from a guild mate, that plays the same race and class as I do,( he is actually the our guild's Hunter leader) asking about the specs on my machine. I told him, and I could hear him gasp, he lives 1000 miles away. He asks a few more questions about RAM and Video Cards, and I answer them.
I was starting to wonder if my status in the guild may be in jeopardy. One of the questions we ask applicants, is "Do you have a computer capable of handling the game?". And my answer was obviously becoming a No. I have been in this guild since WoW began, was in the guild in Beta testing of WoW, and was even in its predecessor in EverQuest for years. Could they really kick me out? no... but they could choose not to bring me along on raids anymore, and that is just as painful.
Anyway, my guild mate says he may have some spare parts lying around to help my situation. I may have to buy a new Motherboard, and some better memory. I could do that. Sent him my address, and kind of forgot about it. About a week later, I get an email from him. saying that I didn't have to buy anything, he found some stuff that might work, and that I would be getting it in a couple of days. I was pretty excited.
The box arrived last Wednesday, and it was 2'x3'x1' and weighed 25 pounds. I open it up, and my jaw hit the floor. In the box was a 600Watt BFG Power Supply, 2 Gigs of DDR 400 memory, an nVidia 7800GT Graphics Card (with a SLI bridge, so I could buy another one and really beef things up), a BRAND NEW Asus a8n-sli deluxe mother board, and a FX-57 Athlon 64 Chip. Everything but a case, monitor, and a Hard Drive. But I already have those, and they don't effect performance as much as all the other stuff. I was STUNNED! I put it together over the next couple of evenings, and fired WoW for the first time Saturday. After setting all the video options to "HIGH", I was still getting 50fps minimum... sometimes as high as 85! Everything is so smooth now, and beautiful. Its like playing a brand new game. And I went from being at the bottom of the DPS (damage per second) report to Fifth over all... beating out some good Rogues, and mages.
My friend refuses to take anything for his generosity, not even for the cost of shipping. I have it on good authority that he likes Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, so I may be making a trip to the local Cookie Store, and shipping some off. Karma has stepped in as well for him. As this week he got 2 very good pieces of equipment for his character, and the gun that he has been longing for since we started raiding.
Thanks Karma, and thank you Ryan.
I got an message from a guild mate, that plays the same race and class as I do,( he is actually the our guild's Hunter leader) asking about the specs on my machine. I told him, and I could hear him gasp, he lives 1000 miles away. He asks a few more questions about RAM and Video Cards, and I answer them.
I was starting to wonder if my status in the guild may be in jeopardy. One of the questions we ask applicants, is "Do you have a computer capable of handling the game?". And my answer was obviously becoming a No. I have been in this guild since WoW began, was in the guild in Beta testing of WoW, and was even in its predecessor in EverQuest for years. Could they really kick me out? no... but they could choose not to bring me along on raids anymore, and that is just as painful.
Anyway, my guild mate says he may have some spare parts lying around to help my situation. I may have to buy a new Motherboard, and some better memory. I could do that. Sent him my address, and kind of forgot about it. About a week later, I get an email from him. saying that I didn't have to buy anything, he found some stuff that might work, and that I would be getting it in a couple of days. I was pretty excited.
The box arrived last Wednesday, and it was 2'x3'x1' and weighed 25 pounds. I open it up, and my jaw hit the floor. In the box was a 600Watt BFG Power Supply, 2 Gigs of DDR 400 memory, an nVidia 7800GT Graphics Card (with a SLI bridge, so I could buy another one and really beef things up), a BRAND NEW Asus a8n-sli deluxe mother board, and a FX-57 Athlon 64 Chip. Everything but a case, monitor, and a Hard Drive. But I already have those, and they don't effect performance as much as all the other stuff. I was STUNNED! I put it together over the next couple of evenings, and fired WoW for the first time Saturday. After setting all the video options to "HIGH", I was still getting 50fps minimum... sometimes as high as 85! Everything is so smooth now, and beautiful. Its like playing a brand new game. And I went from being at the bottom of the DPS (damage per second) report to Fifth over all... beating out some good Rogues, and mages.
My friend refuses to take anything for his generosity, not even for the cost of shipping. I have it on good authority that he likes Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, so I may be making a trip to the local Cookie Store, and shipping some off. Karma has stepped in as well for him. As this week he got 2 very good pieces of equipment for his character, and the gun that he has been longing for since we started raiding.
Thanks Karma, and thank you Ryan.
New family member
This was supposed to be a Christmas present, but some opportunities present themselves against your schedule. I present to you, Rose-Ariel. She is 5 weeks old, and weighs 1 pound. I love the "M" on her forehead.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)