Friday, March 30, 2007

Little known fact...

Every so often I get an e-mail from someone that wants me to answer 50 questions about myself, and send it back. The idea being that you might learn something about a friend you didn't know before. I don't mind answering them, but I like to throw a curve ball every so often. Recently, one of my nieces sent me one of these lists and one of the questions was "How many tattoos do you have?". I answered "One." I then pictured the scene in my head of her reading that, running to my brother and asking "Did YOU know HE has a tattoo?". A conversation would be had, and then later in casual conversation with Mom, my brother would ask about my tattoo. This would immediately cause her to call me and ask about it. To which I would reply " Yeah, I have a tattoo, it is of an upside down duck with a beach ball, on my left bicep." Screaming would follow, and then I would explain that if she didn't like it, I would take it off. As it was put there by my 3 yr old. But, either my niece wasn't phased by the fact that I had tattoo, or I imagine things way more than I should, because nothing happened.

ANYWAY... I got another list of questions the other day, and a question was on this one that I hadn't seen on others. It was "What is something that most people don't know about you?". This one made me smile, because I have a doosie. And I love sharing it when I can. Here it is:

I have over 150 Bungee Jumps under my belt.

When I was 22, I saw an ad in the paper looking for "Thrill Seekers" for a new attraction in Country Music Hell. They were building a Bungee Tower, and needed people to work there. Being the crazy, fearless and 22, I went and applied. (Granted I was applying more for the Cashier part of the business, as I had been doing payroll, books, and deposits for my parents restaurant, but I applied.) A week later I get a call telling me to come in for an interview. I show up, and am surrounded by "extreme" types of people. People that LOOKED like they could be Lifeguards, Surfers, Aerobic Instructors... you get the idea. Lots of good looking, tan, thin people. The first question they asked in the interview is " Are you afraid of heights?" WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD SAY "YES"??? That would be an instant disqualifier if you ask me. Which they did... so I guess its not as crazy as it first sounded. Even though, I was fairly afraid of Heights, let alone jumping off of them, I said "No". During the interview, I was asked alot of questions about my cash handling experiences. My inside track had paid off, as one week later I receive another call asking if I would like to be part of the team. I accepted their challenge.

A couple of days later, I go to attend a one week "orientation". A VERY tan, hip, California-type guy was leading the training. The first words out of his mouth were " OK, let's get this out of the way first. We are doing nothing today, but jumping off that tower." I became more pale than I already was. Thankfully they were going by weight. Tipping the scale at 235 (Max for jumping was 240.), meant I was going to be one of the last to go. Which was good, I could see how things worked, and listen and talk to other that had gone, and build up my nerve. I was starting to get excited about it... that is until they called my Group. I went from "more pale" to "semi-transparent."

I never measured the tower in the time that I worked there, but I would guess it at about 80-100 feet. Not a very big bungee jump, but still enough to get the point across. I slowly start my way up the stairs of the tower. I got up about half way before the butterflies in my stomach realize what was going on. When I reached the top, it was fairly obvious by the way I was bear hugging the posts, that I had lied about my fear of heights. I slowly made my way out to the jump platform. The 20x30 foot safety air bag that looked huge on the ground was nowhere near as big from up there. They hooked the bungee cord to my harnesses. The tower employed an umbilical attach to the cord, as opposed to the more commonly seen Ankle attach. The cord (and myself) was protected by a 6 foot foam enclosure that kept the cord from tangling near you, and prevented it from "rope burning" you as you fell. I stepped out to the jump platform. My knees go weak, my heart pumps so hard, I can hear my pulse. They obviously could see how scared I was, and told me that it is easier to fall backward than jump forward. As the view would be that of the tower going away from me, instead of the ground rushing toward me. I agree, and backed up to the edge. I look down between my heels and see nothing for 100 feet. I have a death grip on the hand rails. After 2 minutes (seemed like an hour) of calming me down, Johnny California counts down " 3...2...1...JUMP!" My brain tells my hands to let go, but my hands respond with a few choice curse words and a petition from the other body parts, that they in fact aren't crazy about this idea anymore. He tells me to let go, and I tell him "I did". I start laughing. Which is something apparently I will do, when I am about to die. Johnny counts again, and I wrap both arms around the foam pad protecting the cord. " 3...2...1..."

I didn't so much "fall" backwards, as my legs went limp, and I collapsed backwards. I was falling. Falling fast. But felt no resistance from the cord. Still falling, and still no resistance. I then made the very manly decision to "Scream like a big, fat woman". Not a yell like "This is AWESOME!", but a Scream like "I may die". Then.... resistance... and slowing... and then I stopped. I open my eyes and look around. I am 2 feet from the top of the air bag. Just hanging there. I look around and see everyone laughing, and I think to myself "I'm alive." Apparently the neurons that form the words "I'm alive" also psychically make bungee cords retract. Because at that second... I fell up. That is the best and most descriptive way I have for that sensation... Falling Up.

I shoot 70 feet into the sky, and am weightless for a couple of seconds... it is truly an amazing feeling. I then proceed to laugh, whoop, holler, yell, and laugh some more, as I bounce 3 more times. Everyone watching is laughing and yelling along with me. Johnny California pushes a lever, and I drop from about 20 feet into the air bag. I cannot stop laughing, or shaking for that matter. The ground crew come to help me off the bag. I cannot stand up. SO MUCH adrenalin is going through my body, I can do nothing but shake and laugh. I don't think I ate for a day and a half, my body just lived off adrenalin during that time. I remember the owners of the place coming over to me, with big smiles on their faces. " Ready to go again?," they asked. "HELL, YES!" I responded, as I collapsed to the ground, vibrating.

During the time I worked there, I logged over 150 jumps. I did 6 in less than an hour one day, to help train a new "Jump Master" ( The name of the job Johnny California was doing). I got to the point where I was doing double back flips off the platform, and quad front flips on the first rebound. To this day, my calves are sculpted and hard as rocks. Not one day went by that I didn't have to go up (and sometimes down) the 10 stories of stairs to reach the top of the tower, at least once. I never called working there "work", I always said " I am going to Bungee ".

Probably the best job (as far as fun) I have ever had.


Monday, March 26, 2007

I'm Confused.



Is The Gap selling Men's Breakaway Khakis? or Men's pants for Women?

Friday, March 23, 2007

Time travel invented

Ladies and Gentlemen, mark you calenders... Time travel will be available for the world on Monday, January 18th, 2038. I know this, because my spam mail box is full of mail from that day. Something big happens in the world on that Monday. Something so huge that it allows people to try and sell me things 31 years from now. What disappoints me though, is the fact that they aren't trying to sell me things from the future. Some of them want me to meet local single girls and "have a good time". So, maybe, when I am 68, I become some super famous multi-trillionaire, and people are trying to set me up with their parents/grandparents to ensure their finacial security in the future... Yes, that has to be it. I become so rich in the future that people are going back in time to sell me things now, that I will remember their product and invest my trillions of dollars with them in the future. That is the only logical reason, that or its just a computer glitch.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The scoop on poop.

My oldest daughter is no longer in pull-ups. She is also no longer afraid to poop in the toilet. She can do everything on her own now.

My Cat has an automatic litter box. About every other day I just have to empty the container, instead of cleaning the entire cat box.

The back yard is now fenced in, so now I dont have to go walk the dog to do his buisiness, I can just let him outside.

Just when I thought I had all this crap under control, I have a new baby.

And now, Back to our show...

Sorry for the lack of updates... this past week has been a blur. I haven't even been in the same room as my computer for the past 3 days.

Baby is doing great, getting a routine down, and she is being a very good baby.
Big Sister is doing better, still adjusting to sharing the spotlight when company comes over.
My Beautiful Bride is recovering nicely. Had a high fever, shakes, and very weak on Monday, but a trip to the emergency room fixed all that. She is doing much better now, trying to find some extra time to catch some sleep.
I am doing good. The first night home is always the hardest. But the past 3 nights have gone much better. I am kind of suprised how everything just came back to me. So far, when all else fails, a nice snug swaddling will make baby happy.

Thanks for all the great comments and emails. I am sure Baby news will make it into my posts now and then.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Hellllooooo Baaaay-Bay

For some unknown reason I took a notebook with me on our trip to the hospital. Don’t know what made me do it, but I am glad I did… through out the day, whenever something would happen, I would note the time and jot it down. I have since read it over and over, and what follows is from that note book: (it was very hard for me to NOT do this Jack Bauer style – “the following takes place from 6:00am to 7:00am”)

March 16, 2007 – 5:30am Wake up and make waffles and orange juice with my beautiful bride and my daughter.

6:10 am – My mom arrives at the house. Bless her wonderful heart, got up way early and drove 30 miles to spend the day with my daughter.

6:30 am – My wife and I leave for the hospital. Man, there are a lot of people that go to work at 7am.

7:00 am – Check in with the Maternity Triage. They assign us to room 10 ( the same room we had for our first daughter).

7:45 am – Nurse puts the IV in.

8:15 am – Everything is hooked up and done. Heart rate monitor, contraction monitor, IV, Petocin Drip, big comfy chair for me.

9:00 am – And all is well. A nervous excitement fills the room, and we ( my wife, her mom, Papa Dan, and I) start a “Birth Time” pool. My wife takes 11:00, grandma takes 3:00, Papa Dan lays claim to 6:00, I call 1:40, the nurse throws her name in the hat with 12:00.

9:30 am – Doc comes in and checks on my beautiful bride, we tell him about the pool, (and the $100 entry fee) and he takes 7:00. In hindsight, not really fair, since he his in control of the petocin, and all the crew and equipment.

10:00 am – Everything still going good, Nurse boost the petocin drip a bit.

11:30 am – My wife is starting to feel the contractions a lot more, and getting very uncomfortable.

12:13 pm – 3 nurses BUST open the door, and unplug the “baby station” cords and tubes from the wall, and run out of the room, a lot of commotion coming from the room next door. We would later learn that it was an Amish woman, who had complications beyond what her midwife could handle, and had to be rushed to the hospital. She and the baby are fine.

12:40 pm – My wife finishes off her second cup of ice, and eats the first of sure to be many Popsicles.

1:15 pm – Grandma and Papa Dan leave to grab lunch and run some errands.

1:30 pm – My mom checks in with a report that they are doing great, watched spongebob, played play-doh, went shopping, and my daughter ate all her lunch. They seem to be having a great time together.

1:45 pm – Stadol given, loopy ensues.

2:15 pm – Not much progress, Doc calls checking in, and may come break the water after his clinical rounds are done. We are told that time frame is about a hour and a half, by the nurse.

3:00 pm – My beautiful bride is out like a light. She is very unresponsive, that Stadol is a powerful drug.

3:45 pm – The ghosts of ice chips and Popsicle past come back to visit us. My wife is sick and miserable.

5:00 pm – The worst contraction so far grips my wife. Lots of debate over whether or not she should get an epidural or not.

5:30 pm – Talked with the anesthesiologist for a while, and my beautiful bride and I decide that it would be a good idea.

6:15 pm – Epidural procedure is finished, but not without a few glitches. The anesthesiologist needed three tries before he was satisfied with the results. I sat in front of my wife this time and talked to her and tried to keep her calm through it, the Nurse was a lot better at it than I was. Especially after I caught a glimpse of the blood covered glove and equipment the anesthesiologist had after the 2nd attempt.

6:30 pm – Since my wife can no longer feel anything from the waist down, a catheter is employed to take care of any business it saw fit. Still waiting for Doc to come and break the water, thus setting a record for the longest hour and a half in recorded history.

7:00 pm – 12 hour mark. Shift change for the Nurses, Now playing the roll of Nurse is Julie.

7:30 pm – Doc shows up and breaks the water. I decide to go down to the cafeteria and grab a bite to eat.

7:55 pm – My mother in law finds me in the cafeteria, and briefly explains that there is a problem, and I need to come back up. She mentions dropping heart rates, C-Sections, and wrapped cords… my mind only grabs on to the big scary words for some reason.

8:02 pm – When I left for dinner everything was normal. I come back to my wife with an oxygen mask on, a new machine hooked to her, new monitors and sounds, a panicked Nurse, and a worried looking wife. My emotions are sent spinning. The Nurse explains that when my wife has a contraction, the baby's heart rate drops severely. The Doc thinks it may be a cord problem. It may be pinched or wrapped around the baby. A C-Section is becoming a high possibility. The petocin is stopped to slow the contractions.

8:06 pm - I step outside the room when my mom calls in the middle of all of this and lets me know that my daughter wants to talk to me. I hear my favorite sound. I lose it. My emotions get the best of me. I fall against the wall outside the delivery room. I can't talk, I can barely breathe. Some how I manage a "Goodnight, tiny, I love you." My mom then gets on the phone, and some how talks me down from a couple of minutes of being a sobering mess. I start to settle down, and realize that everyone will be ok. C-Sections are a normal thing, and Doc has done 2 of them today. No big deal. Still scares the crap out of me, though.

9:15 pm - Petocin drip is restarted to see how the baby will react, and to determine if a C-Section is necessary. If not, it looks like it is going to be a long night, as my beautiful bride isn't progressing very fast in the dilation department.

10:00 pm - My wife is asleep. I need to but I can't think about anything but the heart rate/contraction monitor. 3 minutes apart, and the baby's heart rate drops from 130 to 80 during each. I hold my breath each time waiting for it to go back up. I cannot move my focus from those monitors.
Pretty sure Doc has gone home for some rest, so the situation must not be as bad as I pictured it in my head when I came back from dinner.

10:43 ( My first daughter's birth time) The baby's heart rate drops below 60 on a couple of contractions. Doc calls from home (he can monitor patients from his computer at home, how freakin' Awesome is that!) and recommends an Amnio Infusion. Which instantly becomes the name of my new ABBA cover band.

RANDOM THOUGHT: When did "Crocs" become standard hospital attire. EVERY nurse that comes in has them on.

11:10 pm - Getting exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I don't know how my beautiful bride is going to have the energy to push when the time comes.

11:30 pm - Things are getting back to normal. The Amnio Infusion has "lifted" the baby off the cord and lots of big contractions are happening. The baby's heart rate is dipping a bit,
nothing as severe as before, but she is recovering well from them. Nurse encouraged both of us to try and sleep a bit.

March 16th, 2007
12:10 am - I can't sleep. My legs ache to the point of tingling. Mostly from standing for the past 18 hours. I still cannot look away from the HR/Contraction monitor. 3 minutes apart. Heart rate still dipping, but nothing to near what it was before.

12:15 am - Nurse checks the cervix, and my beautiful bride is nearly fully dilated. We may be getting close. The baby has moved down quite a bit. Nurse gives the dilation a 9. ( Russian judge only gave it a 8.5)

12:30 am - 9.5 cm! Baby's irregular heart rate brought Nurse back in to recheck. My wife is starting to feel more pressure.

1:15 am - Lots of people (with Crocs) move equipment into the room, and start laying out various tables full of tools and instruments. Nurse pushes a couple of buttons and the bed goes from happy mode, to prepare for battle mode. She checks the dilation again and says to push a couple of times, and one big Stop pushing. She hustles out of the room quickly.

1:20 am - 2 1000 watt lights focus their power on my baby's front door, and Doc strolls in. They gown him up, and he takes a look. He pulls back my wife's gown and says, " Wow, Look at all that hair." I immediately think, "That was inappropriate! That's my wife, you sonofabitch!", then I look where he was looking and see the top of my baby's head, and I think "Wow! Look at all that hair!"

1:33 am - After what could have only been about 10 pushes by my beautiful bride, Baby Violet is born. She is beautiful, and covered in cottage cheese. They towel her off a bit, and Doc clears her mouth and nose out a bit. A couple of clamps go on the cord, and they hand me some scissors. I make the same joke I did last time, asking "if there is anyone more qualified than me to do this?" I get a big poke in the ribs from my wife. I cut the cord. Which has a lot more resistance than I was expecting. My wife gets the rest of the business done, and baby is taken to a cleaning station across the room. I proceed to Brag about my 1:40 prediction. But am quickly met with some "am/pm" scandal talk.

1:48 am - Violet weighs 8 lbs. 5 oz. I smile and comment that 8/5 is my birthday. I love number coincidence. Our first daughter was 7 lbs. 7 oz. My wife's, mom's, mom in-law's birthdays, and our anniversary are all on the 7th.

1:52 am - I hold my new daughter for the first time. Her face is nearly a perfect circle. She has the cutest little nose, and a sweet pout on her face.

2:05 am - Everything is cleaned and removed from the room. Baby and Mom celebrate with some breast milk for about 30 minutes. Baby is whisked away to the nursery for a bath, and stuff.

3:30 am - My beautiful bride is moved to a recovery room. I give her a big kiss, and thank her for such wonderful family. I drive home.

4:00 am - I get home, and kiss my other daughter on the forehead and tuck her in. I check on my parents who have taken over my bed, and are sound asleep from a day of chasing a 3 year old. I grab a pillow, and a blanket, and pass out on the couch.

Violet Louise
8 lbs. 5 oz. - 21 inches
Born March 16th 1:33am.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Your WHAT came out?

Words I never want to hear again (let alone, say to my boss as to why I had to leave work an hour early yesterday) : "Mucus Plug".

Still no baby. My beautiful bride had a doctors appointment today, only to have it pushed back 3 hours because, he is delivering a baby. I believe this pushed my wife past being mad, and closer to Bruce Banner Angry. And, Doc, you wouldn't like her when she's angry.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Weekend Rollercoaster

Wow! What a crazy weekend.
Friday- My beautiful bride and I dropped our daughter off at Grandma's, as we had plans for a romantic evening of Mexican food, and Bloody, Stylistic Spartan Warfare. We finished our wonderful meal, and headed to the the theater. We arrived to the largest crowd I have ever seen at this particular complex. People were literally lined AROUND the building, to get in... all showings of our movie were sold out. We then head across town to the theater that (we feel) is twice as big, but half as good. The situation there is even worse. You can't even get into the parking lot. We finally manage to get close to the box office and EVERY showing is sold out. 7:30, 8:50, 10:00, 11:30. I honestly haven't seen that many people at that theater since I saw Brad Pitt do a Screening of "Meet Joe Black" there. With our Spartan dreams dashed we head home, pick up our daughter, and are met with a nice consolation prize at home, in the form of "The Prestige" via NetFlix. It was very good, with alot of twists and surprises. And for the record, any movie that has a David Bowie cameo, is a good thing.

Saturday - I can barely remember anything I did Saturday. Besides walking the mall with my very pregnant beautiful wife. And getting a phone call from my college roommate, saying that he and some friends are going to enjoy some Spartan Warfare on Sunday. After that, they were going to the movies and wanted to know if I would be interested. My bride and I talked with our neighbors for a bit, and their oldest daughter said she would babysit for us while we went to watch Greece battle Persia.

Sunday - Cleaned the house, bought some snacks, and watched 117 minutes of PURE AWESOME! I had read some reviews, and the only complaints I had seen were about plot, and story shallowness. Um... Mr. SnootyMovieReviewer... if you are going to this movie for the plot, or storyline... KILL YOURSELF! The way Frank Miller turns a violent bloody battle scene into a beautiful crafted visual buffet is amazing. I read another review, where it was stated that the movie is called "300" because that's how many stars it should get, but instead, the reviewer can only use 4. The theater was crowded, but not too bad. The sound was turned up just a bit too loud, which just made watching this movie only better. It is definitely one of those films you have to see on the "Big Screen". I hear it is playing that the IMAX, I may have to check that out. I left the movie, thinking I need to do more crunches though.

Monday - 1:50 am... I wake to the sound of my beautiful bride moaning in pain. 5 minutes later, it happens again. Then another 5 minutes pass, and more pain. After about 6 of those, and the pain getting worse, I make the Patriarchal decision to drive 85 miles an hour. I get my bride in the emergency room entrance, grab my very excited 3-year old and head to the maternity check in. AND....... 2 hours later they send us home. False alarm. I put Dr. Braxton Hicks' ass on my list of things to kick, and head home. Sleep for one hour, and then add my alarm clock's ass to the list. So if you see me today, never mind the thing dragging behind me... its my ass.

EDIT: Add also to that list, the couple that brought their 7 and 8 year old kids to see the movie, and Bob and Sally Moron with their 1 year old.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Had to share...

This makes me smile WAY more than it should.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Anything + Ninjas = AWESOME!

Every morning before taking my daughter to pre-school, we watch "Funny Shows" on the computer. This is her term for anything I think is appropriate on YouTube or Google Video. I found this one and just cannot stop watching it.
It is a clip from a Japanese Kids show called "Pythagoras Switch".

I think its very cool how it all works together with more people. Now, I get that song stuck in my head. And my daughter digs the Ninjas, I must admit, I do too.

Here is another great clip of Rube Goldberg type machines from the same show.

The ANNOYING phrase they keep saying over and over is the name of the show. That clip is a compilation of a bunch of different parts of various shows, they don't run them back to back like that for nine minutes... thats enough to make anyone hire a pack of ninjas.