Here he comes...here comes Speed Racer!

My heart is pounding as I type this... I had heard that they are making a live action Speed Racer Movie, and I was hoping that who ever was doing it would NOT screw it up. It turns out the guys making it are the same guys that did the Matrix Trilogy, the Wachowski brothers.

More than anything I hoped that they wouldn't bastardize the car by making it more "modern". Well they did modernize it a bit....
To quote Sam Elliot: "Sweet Mercy!". That is the most awesome use of metal I have ever seen.

Hi, Gene!

My sugar filled world has finally taken its toll on my beautiful bride. After almost 10 years together, she found out this weekend she has a cavity. Her first one, EVER! She is very upset about this, and was almost in tears about the fact when she told her mom about it. Her Mom was not too happy about the whole thing. God forbid, she ever gets a long look in my mouth. I have more porcelain and metal in my mouth than a Chinese History Museum.

Speaking of Zen

I received news today that the Logo from Hell, has officially been chosen. I know many of you have expressed your concern over my well being, and I really appreciated all the kind words, and monetary gifts of consolation you have sent. For those that did not send a gift of any kind... may God have mercy on your souls.

Without further ado, I present the (hopefully) final version of the Logo from Hell:
Wow.... Clean and Simple... whodathunkit. I think I am going to celebrate with a Free Nestle Crunch Bar". (I got my coupons in the mail yesterday!)

Planet Earth

This weekend, I had a chance to watch an AMAZING show on the Discovery Channel. It is called Planet Earth .

Quite possibly the most amazing show I have seen in a long time. The quality and unbelievable footage that they capture and discuss is truly awe inspiring. As I was watching this show, I couldn't believe what they were showing me was part of THIS world. It really gave me a new view and perspective about this rock we live on. And unbelievable facts.... like Krill, a shrimp like creature 1-2 cm in length, make up the largest population of creature by weight on the planet. An estimated 200,000,000 TONS of them.

If you have the Discovery Channel, I HIGHLY recommend catching this show... or head over to NetFlix and put it in your queue. You will not be disappointed.

It got me thinking about everything that happens on this planet, and I remembered something I saw a few years ago, that I enjoyed. and I will share it with you now.

In 1989 both Voyager spacecraft had passed Neptune and Pluto. Carl Sagan wanted one last picture of Earth from "a hundred thousand times" as far away than the famous shots of Earth taken by astronauts from the moon during the Apollo series.

"Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there - on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam. --Carl Sagan.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, (as Jon Stewart would say) "is your moment of Zen."

Art and Math

I love Art, and I also love Math. It is a very odd combo. So, it goes with out saying that I am a very technical artist, and not such a creative, free form type artist.

I remember one of the painting classes I had in college, the "professor" came over to see my work, and immediately asked if I was a graphic designer. He could tell by the way I was painting, that I was a "graphic designer" and not an "graphic artist". That has always stuck with me, that and the image of him doing interpretive dance to the music he would play while we were painting still lifes.

Some of my favorite artist are Mondrian, and Calder. The clean lines, the colors, and delicate balance of the work. If you have ever tried to build a mobile on a larger scale than construction paper, string and paper clips, you know the unbelievable amount of work it takes to build a basic mobile, let alone something that appears to defy the laws of balance and gravity.

I like my technical art... so years ago when I stumbled upon David C. Roy, my jaw fell to the floor. I have examined and studied these pieces and cannot, for the life of me, figure out the "drive" mechanism. I have the book he suggests looking at, and examined some of the pieces in person (after walking 6 blocks out of my way when I was in Chicago, just to see a gallery that had some of his work). And I still can't quite wrap my mind around the "escapement" part of the pieces. Let alone the clutch and drive systems that have to be used on the "show" parts of the works.

So, Mr. Roy, if you ever read this, please share your secrets with me, and know that I am doing everything I can to get enough money to buy one of your masterpieces.

Really?!?

Welcome to the next level of wasting money! Should have used some of the money to fix the rear axle... as it is obviously broken.
I can only hope that the car floats, and that is how he "paddles" the car across water.

WERD!

Commercials

Having worked in the video production field for about 10 years, I can honestly say " I like commercials." Well... wait... let's rephrase that "I like GOOD commercials." Lately the people that do the Geiko (caveman), and the Target ads are really putting out some quality work. I also like the new emerging trend of actually telling us what quirky, cool song you are using. The current favorite in our house happens to be a Burger King spot for "Chicken Fries"

My beautiful bride, and I must have watched it 5 times the first time we saw it... it currently is DVR'd and we watch it every other day or so. Think about that... a commercial so good, people actually keep it and watch it at will... granted, I have yet to go buy any Chicken Fries, but I know about them.

I really love "local" commercials. Commercials that were obviously made for about $100 bucks. These were my favorite clients when I worked at the TV station. With a budget of $100 or so, usually meant I didnt do much graphic work for them (other than a logo or something), but I was always impressed with what Dave, Brett, Charlie, and the Jeffs could come up with. People would put their kids in the commercial, their dogs, some legends tell of mistresses, and such. They always had a great "catch phrase" as well. I remember a pawn shop called "#1 Pawn". Their phrase was " We make everyone else look like #2." AWESOME! The guy that owned the place was a piece of work as well. He would always be holding huge fans of $100 bills, and have guns hanging off of him in the commercials. He would invite people down to see what kind of deal his daughters could make for you. And his daughters could beat down most of the guys that came in the joint. Think Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. Think the Bartender from Shrek 2. So much fun.

Watching TV last night I see a commercial for "Nutrisystems" diet program. In this spot, they actually say the line "If you can eat, you can lose weight." My brain had a stroke right then and there. What kind of retarded ass thinking is that??? You know, I am pretty sure if you CAN'T eat you will lose weight as well. That's like saying "If you can Breathe, you can quit smoking." I realize they are saying "Everyone can do it", but it just sounded dumb.

New Music

I really need to find some new music. I am VERY tired of the radio stations here. My iTunes library desperately need some new blood. Even my Favorite Mix CDs aren't doing it for me any more.

I checked out Pandora.com the other day and and there were some promising leads coming from that. Pandora is a music "finder". You tell it what you like and it plays songs it thinks you would enjoy. You can tell it you don't like a selection and it will adjust its criteria for picking songs. Not too bad, but a bit more hassle than its worth.

I need some new stuff. I want to find a new They Might Be Giants. Back in my early 20's I could listen to TMBG non stop 24/7/365. Mix in some Violent Femmes, and a splash of thrash punk, maybe some Skateboarding anthems, a smattering of witty writing, and fun lyrics and I was a happy guy. Now, I am having problems finding the music I want to listen to. I found some Modest Mouse stuff from Pandora, and I really enjoy it.

So, if anyone reading this has some music that fits this area, let me know. I will try them out and maybe get out of this musical rut I am in.

Whee....
More Logo from Hell stuff today!

Perspective views

Putting things into perspective can really change the way I think about stuff. I currently weigh 292 pounds. I would like to weigh under 250. That is 42 pounds... OK.. fine... that's just a number. Now to put that number in perspective... my 4-year old weighs 42 pounds. The fact that I will lose the equivalent of a small child from my body, blows my mind. I was thinking about this the other night when I had to carry her from her car seat to her bed, as she was passed out from losing the sugar buzz Grandma gave her. Carry her... through the garage, up 2 flights of stairs, and down the hall, and then gently lay her down with out waking her up. Something in my head said... "Hey! You feel this! This is how much candy, soda, and rice krispy treats you are packing away." So, I guess I am going to try and give up my beloved snacks, and get outside a little more, and see if I can lose my toddler of a belly.

Return of the Logo from Hell

IT'S BA-A-A-ACK!

Yesterday I was "officially" (Duane had tipped me off a week ago, but I blanked that out of my memory) informed that the "Logo from Hell" (part 1 of the ordeal) has to be redone. Apparently, everyone on the committee for this project had signed off on it, except for one of the co-presidents. And since he didn't care for the logo, I have to redo it. There are a number of rants I could go off on here.

Rant 1 : The "All or Nothing" approach to approval. One person (granted, it was the co-pres of the company) doesn't like the logo, and everyone else's opinion gets thrown out the window. Why is there a committee then?

Rant 2 : Why is one of the PRESIDENTS of a LARGE company making this decision. Why are there 7 layers of management then??? I hate to think that EVERY decision has to go through the EXECUTIVE committee. Those poor people must not get anything else done.

Rant 3 : I finished that project in January. JANUARY! Its almost MAY! It has been floating around for 3 months in limbo???

Rant 4 : Logo design is a tricky beast to start with. But a general rule is: Simple = Better. This logo has no less than 6 elements. Company Logo, PSP, The Main Thing, 3 other text elements, and then something to tie them all together. The feedback I got was to make the tire look like is was spinning out, or torque-ing. Great idea... add more elements.

Rant 5 : The complete lack of direction. " I don't know what I want, but I know I don't like that...just give me 5 or 6 more ideas."

(deep breath) Ok... better now.... I hope my coupons for free candy get here soon... I need a fix.

Stay tuned to see what a designer pushed to the brink of insanity can appease the masses (or co-pres) with.

$11 of Awesome!

God I love this show!

Too Much TV

Last night my beautiful wife and I killed Jack Bauer. We made the decision to stop watching 24, frankly because we were bored with it. After they found the suitcase nukes, I had closure. I could care less about Audrey. But the plot isn't what killed Agent Bauer for us. Its the fact that other shows have stepped their game up SOOOO much, that 24 is just dull now. Between Heroes coming back, and Lost pushing back into the AWESOME level, plus we started watching Drive with our FireFly Captain Nathan Fillion. Its a fun show, some puzzles for me to solve and a few sweet cars to drool over. Nice fun show. Add to that mix The Office, Earl, 30 Rock, Idol, Mythbusters, House, Shark, CSI, and Top Model. TV is really good lately! Now if you excuse me I have to go upgrade my DVR, and wipe off about 60 hours of space for next weeks shows.

Nestle Responds...

I received an email from a very nice woman with the Nestle Corporation yesterday. It was about the note I had sent them concerning my winning wrapper. The note was very nice and explained that the Certified letter, and Return Receipt procedure were there MORE for the 1st and 2nd prize winners, prizes worth $77, and $30 respectively. They also informed me that I only needed to send the 3x5 card, and the wrapper for my 3rd prize claim. I was satisfied with that, and felt a little bad I hadn't considered the procedure was for the protection of the winner's of the other prizes.

I get home last night, and check my Snail mail, and there is a letter from Nestle in there, as well. It was from the same woman that sent the email. It thanked me for taking the time to respond and inform them about my concerns. Included with the letter was a coupon... for one (1) free candy bar. I smiled quietly to myself as Balance was restored to the universe.

What a difference 15 years makes.

This past weekend I stayed up until 2 am every night, had some 3 ounce drinks with friends, tried to get a cute girl to go to bed, and got puked on.

15 years ago, that description would have followed "I went to a few bars...", but now that description follows "I have a one month old...". The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I'M A WINNER! (or am I?)

I just got back from a trip to the vending machine. I bought a Nestle Crunch with Caramel. I love Crunch bars... mmmmm.... anyway... I open it up to enjoy its crunchy goodness, and notice the inside of the wrapper says this:

"Congratulations! You're a Third Prize Winner! You've just won two (2) NESTLE singles candy bars."

"Cool!" I think to myself, and proceed to devour its chocolaty tastiness. I go to their website to see what the odds were of winning said prize. I am weird about odds like that. According to nestle-americanidolpromo.com, 3rd Prize odds of winning are 1 in 20. with a ARV of $1.59. I proceed to read the rest of the wrapper telling me how to claim my "Major Award". It reads as follows:

"No Purchase Necessary. To claim instant win prize: Winner must mail original game wrapper along with their name, address, and daytime phone number on a 3x5 card, by certified or registered mail, return receipt requested to: (Nestle Address)."

Here is where I call "FOUL!". I go to the post office's website to see how much it costs to send certified or registered mail... Certified: Fee in addition to postage—$2.40. Return Receipt: Requested at time of mailing (receive electronically)—$1.35.

So, for $4.12 (with postage) I can get my two (2) "FREE" Candy bars, valued at $1.59. At that price I can go back to the vending machine and buy 6 more candy bars. And not have to wait the 6-8 weeks for delivery of my coupon, driving to a store, stand in line with my two (2) free candy bars and coupon, suffer the cashier calling her manager over to talk about how to handle the coupon, and then drive back home.

I am debating writing Nestle a nasty letter explaining the situation, and seeing if I can get a better deal from them. Don't offer the fat kid "free" chocolate. unless you are willing to back that offer up.

Nestle Responds

I LOVE this country!

While walking through the break room at work today, it must has been a slow news day. Two Fox News anchors were talking with a representative from KFC, Inc. Apparently, KFC has offered American Idol contestant, Sanjaya $5000 to shave "KFC" into the hair on the back of his head. KFC better watch out... they are treading into PalaceCasino.com territory. Only in America, my friend.

The girls

Just wanted to share this picture from Easter.

Bad Juju

Don't know what it is, but I came to work this morning, and my office equipment is boycotting me. ALL of it. My PC wont connect to my Mac, or the net. My Mac wont run the diagnostic programs I want it to, the DVD Duplicator (which is ususally rock solid) has had to be restarted twice, and created 11 coasters at once. ( The previous 900 copies had no coasters.) The DVD printer, despite saying full on ink, is refusing to print a decent label on my discs. And running the "Clean cartridge" utility 3 times hasnt fixed the situation at all. It's going to be a tough day at work today...

A pun is a rare medium well-done.

I love puns. The worse they are, the more I love them. Real Groaners.

I did a diorama once of Mattel dolls having a fight in the checkout lane at Safeway. I called it the "Barbie Queue Beef".


There was a monastery that was a little run down, so the brothers decided they'd do a fundraiser to earn some cash to fix it up. After some debate, they finally settled on selling flowers, as it was a nice, peaceful thing to sell. They head out, and set up a stall in the marketplace, and business is going well.

Unfortunately, they were just a few doors down from a flower shop, and the proprietor was just not making any money because of them. Thus, he went to talk to the monks, and asked them to do something else, as his livelihood was being threatened. The brothers refused, stating they'd put everything they had into this venture.

The shopkeeper went home, and called up Hugh McTaggert, the roughest, toughest, meanest thug in town, and paid him to go "talk" to the monks. McTaggert shows up at the monk's flower stall, and proceeds to trash it, beating up several of the brothers while he's at it. When he's done, he says "If you EVER set up a flower stall again, I'll come back, and it'll be worse next time!" The monks scurried back to their monastery and found something else to do.

The moral? Hugh - and only Hugh - can prevent florist friars.

(my personal favorite)
There was a pun contest. The max number of entries was ten. I decided to enter ten puns into the contest. I expected one of the puns to win, but no pun in ten did.

Thanks, goons.